So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
