I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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