The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
