I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
