my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know her cup size but not her name....
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