wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
