My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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