There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
