Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
