We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
