i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
