Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
