I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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