I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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