Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
