tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Blow job season was short but glorious.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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