I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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