Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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