porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
