My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
