i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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