this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
