Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
