how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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