I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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