I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
