dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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