Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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