i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
