alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
