she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
