I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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