Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize