Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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