I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
