I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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