the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
