I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
