She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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