She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He passed out mid-signature
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
