you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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