no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
