The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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