I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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