Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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