is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
