Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
