Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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