Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
