fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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