i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
