I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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