he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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