How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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