that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
