Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
