No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
