Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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