I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
