my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
