WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
