I have demons in me.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
