If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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