if you like me you must not know who I am
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You can't motorboat a personality
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
as a side note pls kill me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
