u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
