Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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