I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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