i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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