Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
