Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
