I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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