I cannot find my penis.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
