Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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