He kissed a someone with a penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
