ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
