just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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