:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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