umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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