I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the day after is always just damage control
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
