I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
