i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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