Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
