I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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